His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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