my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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