i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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