dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
