does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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