she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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