She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
