All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
