I just saw a hot homeless man
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
