people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
