Whod you bang
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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