It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
