Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
