i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
