Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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