all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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