people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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