If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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