Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
