What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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