my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
