peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
