SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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