Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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