we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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