it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
