So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
