Please, let me fuck your mom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
