she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
