I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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