Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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