To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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