You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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