sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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