dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
