yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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