Whod you bang
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
