how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
