omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
