Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
