LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
