This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
