Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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