She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
