That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I didn't notice because vodka
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
