im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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