I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
