I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
