P.S. I can't hear my feet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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