it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
