sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
