the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
