I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
