Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
