So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
