You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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