Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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