I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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