I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
