hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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