i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
