we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
