oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
