My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
