Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
