Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i came on her dog
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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