nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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