He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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