So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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