Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
