I've blown a few things in my day
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
