i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
