I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
